Half-assing the most expensive endeavour of my life so far

Regret. I am a recent college graduate (Go Beavs!). Now, college is the most expensive undertaking in my life so far — I mean, it’s not like I live in Germany or the U.K. (or anywhere else that post-secondary education is virtually free). I am ashamed to say I did not act like it was the most expensive undertaking. Why? Worry.

3c8d93a6b8c281b8f411f6ba227f6a7bI constantly worried. I worried about my level of social competence. I worried about what other people thought. I worried about boys. I worried about my lack of ability with my degree of choice. I worried about if I was good enough. I worried about how I looked. It was just anxiety, 24/7. Small or large, it didn’t matter; it just always occupied my mind.

To this day, I know I could have done better. My grades weren’t horrible, they were just mediocre. But it wasn’t just about my grades. See, I’m a first-generation immigrant. That means that I had the opportunity that none of my older siblings had – a chance to experience an American college campus, which, if I had exploited to the fullest extent, would mean to get awesome grades; meet awesome people; have awesome experiences; and most importantly, have awesome opportunities after college. But I was too busy worrying. I couldn’t get assignments done. I was too insecure about this boyfriend or that boyfriend to just say “Screw it, I’m gonna check out this dance group and meet some cool peeps.” I didn’t do what I felt to be right because my worry made me pick the safe choice. And that wasn’t the way to go.

When I have children, I know it’s a cliche thing to do, but I will encourage them with all of my being to make the most out of college. To make the most out of anything that they do, really. I will ask them to not be afraid of the risks; to refrain from personal relationships that cause hurt and doubt in themselves; to readily equip their brains, and heart, and senses in all their endeavors, so that they never feel that twinge of regret. As for me, I’m trying to tell myself the same thing. Wish me luck. :]

***

DAY 3 ASSIGNMENT: One-Word-Inspiration

Prompts come in many different forms. Sometimes, a single word is all you need to get your mind’s wheels turning. Here are six words:

HOPE
REGRET
HOME
CHOICE
ABUNDANCE
SECRET
Select one word in this list that speaks to you in some way.
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2 thoughts on “Half-assing the most expensive endeavour of my life so far

    1. Yes, if I could go back to when I first started college, I would take it more seriously. I suppose that’s why that expression exists, of “youth being wasted on the young.” 🙂

      Like

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