Dear best friend/S.O./person who wants to be with me for the rest of his life,
You’re always asking for forever from me. We’ve had 4 years to decide if “forever” would work for us. And now, when we’re genuinely trying, and actually being sweet on each other, a distant ping echoes in my head – the sound of recognition. Could I do forever with you? What a question to seriously ask myself.
So I do ask myself, what would forever look like? With you?
I try to put your body in an imaginary nursery, 5 years from now, when you’re cradling my first child. Would you be tender with it? Would you look at it with the same softness that you glance at me now?
I try to age your face, add 20 years to it, and put you in my fabulous imaginary kitchen, making jasmine tea like you always do. Will I still feel like this, you think? Or will I look back to that defining moment of decision and think, “I should have said no”?
I try to put your body at the end of a white aisle, looking to me as I step closer towards you, towards a permanent future with you. And I try to imagine my feelings at that point; are they of panic, or joy?
Forever is such a demanding ask, to ask for my love and partnership for the rest of my life. I know you’re almost ready to do the “official” ask, the kind where you look hopefully into my eyes while kneeling, and slide some metal down my finger. You’re just… waiting. Waiting for the right time, and waiting for me to be as enthused as you at the idea of forever.