A thank you to my ex

I have playlists for men in my life with which I have had a significant romantic connection. So far, I have three.

When I listen to the playlist of the man that caused me so much pain and doubt for five years, I can only think of how much I have grown through that period, and afterwards. I look at the progression of songs:

from the first songs he sent me, so full of hope and young love —

to the songs I listened to one year in, so full of pleading, asking him to stop the hurt —

to the bittersweet songs that I played for him as I let him go, slowly and lovingly.

My playlist for him has evolved; but then again, so have I.

* * *

I started this blog while I was with him. In fact, he is the reason I started this blog. The first words I typed in were efforts to be understood by the world at large — if he couldn’t understand me, then maybe someone else out there would.

Eventually, they became words that felt healing to me, like a cool salve that I applied to wounds that were there before even him. I communed with my past through my words, and through this process, turned myself inside out. It was painful, but joyful. I relived my trauma every time my fingers flew across my keyboard. Through this blog, I’ve written about him, about other loves, but mostly, about myself — and that’s what I have needed the most.

And because of this, I want to thank him for being the gateway to this world of catharsis; for being the initial struggle I had to overcome before I truly got to the hard stuff; for necessitating this blog that accepts my beautiful and my ugly.

* * *

Here are three songs
dedicated to each phase of our love:

The budding romance;

The suffocating love;

The ebbing breakup.

* * *


Daily Post prompt: Gate

Sit down & have some coffee with me

Picture this…

• • • • •
You, me, dark-wood stumpy tables, armchairs with fluffy pillows, cozy lights gently illuminating our faces, and the smell of coffee inundating our noses. We’re on our coffee date. :]
• • • • •

If we were having coffee right now… I’d tell you that I’m exhausted from revamping my whole blog yesterday. I wanted to change the layout, experimented with several, and ended up just using the same one. Figures, right? I changed my header image. It’s colorful & pretty – makes me happy. Most importantly, I changed my username from ‘ricericebebe’ to ‘petitewise’, and I love it. I think it really suits me. I cleaned things up a bit, published a post on one of my favorite films of all time, and created several drafts that I’ll dive into some other day.

If we were having coffee right now… I’d tell you that I spent all of Saturday geeking out on this: The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. It is amazing. This guy comes up with a new word for these emotions, these obscure sorrows that you feel in your life, but cannot encapsulate […]